Waiting in Joyful Hope

Now that we're past Gaudete Sunday, we're in the home stretch of Advent.

I'm very thankful for how Advent has gone so far this year. For most of my life I hardly knew what liturgical seasons were. Then in college Advent always seemed to get forgotten because of finals, and when finals were over, Advent was half way done and I was like a (rein)deer in the headlights in front of the Christmas truck. Living life in semesters is not exactly conducive to living liturgically.

Since I've been in the "real world," this is the first year that I was really intentional about making plans for Advent. I've been trying to be more intentional about all the things I do. I'm open to suggestions.

This year, I started planning early by making an Advent reading plan. I ordered a book called Conversing with God in Advent and Christmas, by Stephen Binz. It's a book of guided lectio meditations for the Sunday readings. I paid a lot for the book (well, what I consider a lot for a book, I don't think it is being published anymore), but it.is.so.worth.it. It's good. I'm reading through Isaiah at the same time.

I've also been reading Dawn of the Messiah by Edward Sri. It is great as well. I'll be finished with it before I go to Auburn on Thursday, I think. You know how I like to check things off my to do list.

As I was preparing for what I would read during Advent, I started making some other goals. I really wanted this Advent to be about cleaning out the cobwebs of my stony heart and asking God to fill the space left behind.

Here is my Advent List:
Give up Facebook (so far so good)
Pray the Rosary every day (so far so good, thanks to YouTube!)
Clean out my closet (done, clothes donated, and I even cleaned out two other closets in my house!)
Don't eat out (fail.)
Don't spend money (fail.)
Read more (check!)

You might think I'm too focused on lists. Maybe even obsessed. It might be true. Productivity is good for my soul, I think. It seems counterintuitive, but when I'm busy, even my prayer time is better. My soul takes a respite from the busyness and I can hear God.

How is your Advent going?

St. John of the Cross, pray for us!

Fake It Till You Make It

Over the last few years, I've had the great blessing of loving and being loved by some very humble and holy introverts. As far as I can remember, not one of them has ever embraced the idea of faking it until you make it. Read Ross's insightful take here.

Like most things in life, I think the reason I tend to disagree with my introverts on the topic is because they've thought about it much more deeply than I have. As far as extroverts go, I'd like to think of myself as less surfacy and more self aware than most (my pride speaking). It's probably not actually true. Anyways, the interior life requires quite a degree of self awareness and introspection, and I'm working on it.

I was in discipleship with two women during my junior year of college. In the fall semester, both of them were experiencing desolation, and my advice to both of them (which frustrated them immensely) was to fake it until you make it. I was coming off of a spiritually high summer and was excited to spend an hour in the chapel with Jesus every day. I knew they weren't, and I knew I wouldn't always be so thrilled about it either.

For weeks, neither of them were praying because they wanted to want to pray before they went to pray. Wanting to pray is not a prerequisite for praying, I don't care if you're an introvert or an extrovert. They hated the idea of fake it till you make it because of the word fake. I was convinced that if they would just go to the chapel and be with Jesus, He would work in their hearts. Had I been more mature, I could have probably communicated my thoughts without using that word.

When I think of fake it until you make it, I'm mostly thinking about obligations and actions. I NEED to be praying and keeping the lines of communication with God open, regardless of how I feel. I NEED to go to work and make money, regardless of how I feel. I NEED to love the people around me, regardless of how I feel. It's about using my faculties and acting on my will and my intellect over my emotions.

In the Ignatian Exercises, one of the rules is that you don't make or break plans in desolation. You make plans in consolation and you stick to them in desolation. You fake it until you make it back to consolation, if that's what it takes.

In Ross's post, he talks more about feelings. Self confidence, for example, isn't even a virtue. Is there a point to faking it until you make it if what you're faking won't advance you in the spiritual life? Hardly. He and I agree there. I love that he's asking questions I hadn't considered: do the ends justify the means? When it comes to engaging the will and intellect over the emotions, I think both the means and the ends are virtue. What do you think?

I wish there was a phrase that meant the same thing without the word fake in it. Perhaps "just keep swimming" from Dory from Finding Nemo. But it doesn't hold quite the weight of self denial that I think is captured in fake it till you make it.

St. Ignatius, pray for us!

Evangelii Gaudium

Everyone gets to have their own opinion about the things that are happening in the world. Some are right, some are wrong, most are filled with pieces of the truth. We're responsible for informing our own consciences in a way that we seek to understand truth and are able to identify it when it is presented. It is becoming increasingly more difficult to obtain unbiased information, so what is a girl to do when she wants to think about current events with the mind of the Church? (That was a real question! Help!)

Ultimately, I want to be able to have intelligent conversations about current events, but I really don't want my own opinion. I am a follower of Jesus. In my life, what He says, goes. So I want to think what He thinks.

A few months ago I read Pope Francis's Apostolic Exhortation, Evangelii Gaudium, or Joy of the Gospel.

It has rocked my world and changed my life. It's mostly changed my mind about things at this point because I'm still figuring out how to live it out practically. I love all of  "my" Popes (JPII, BXVI, and Francis), but it has been along time since I read something so impactful to my way of thinking. I'm still processing a lot of it (rare for me... I would love to process out loud if any one has read it or wants to read it and argue with me over how we can live this out.. that would be ideal.) I wanted to leave you with some quotes from the fourth chapter, entitled The Social Dimension of Evangelization. Everything I've written is directly from this chapter, I've used ellipses to skip over some sentences without interrupting the integrity of his intention, but read the whole thing, it's really worth it. Here are some of my favorite parts:

"The Gospel is not merely about our personal relationship with God... the Gospel is about the kingdom of God.... 'evangelization would not be complete if it did not take account of the unceasing interplay of the Gospel and of man's concrete life, both personal and social.'" (Francis quotes Evangelii Nuntiandi, Pope Paul VI)

"It is no longer possible to claim that religion should be restricted to the private sphere and that it exists only to prepare souls for heaven. We know that God wants his children to be happy in this world too, even though they are called to fulfillment in eternity, for he has created all things 'for our enjoyment' (1 Tim 6:17), the enjoyment of everyone.... An authentic faith-- which is never comfortable or completely personal-- always involves a deep desire to change the world, to transmit values, to leave this earth somehow better than we found it."

"Each individual Christian and every community is called to be an instrument of God for the liberation and promotion of the poor, and for enabling them to be fully a part of society. This demands that we be docile and attentive to the cry of the poor and to come to their aid... the mere fact that some people are born in places with fewer resources or less development does not justify the fact that they are living with less dignity. It must be reiterated that 'the more fortunate should renounce some of their rights so as to place their goods more generously at the service of others.' (Paul VI, Octogesima Adveniens)... We are not simply talking about ensuring nourishment or a 'dignified sustenance' for all people, but also their 'general temporal welfare and prosperity.'(John XIII, Mater et Magistra) This means education, access to health care, and above all employment, for it is through free, creative, participatory, and mutually supportive labor that human beings express and enhance the dignity of their lives. A just wage enables them to have adequate access to all the other goods which are destined for our common use."

"This is why I want a Church which is poor and for the poor. They have much to teach us. Not only do they share in the sensus fidei, but in their difficulties they know the suffering Christ. We need to let ourselves be evangelized by them. The new evangelization is an invitation to acknowledge the saving power at work in their lives and to put them at the center of the Church's pilgrim way. We are called to find Christ in them, to lend our voice to their causes, but also to be their friends, to listen to them, to speak for them, and to embrace the mysterious wisdom which God wishes to share with us through them." 

"Where is your brother or sister who is enslaved? Where is the brother and sister whom you are killing each day in clandestine warehouses, in rings of prostitution, in children used for begging, in exploiting undocumented labor? Let us not look the other way. There is greater complicity than we think. The issue involves everyone! This infamous network of crime is now well established in our cities, and many people have blood on their hands as a result of their comfortable and silent complicity."

"The whole is greater than the part, but it is also greater than the sum of its parts... we constantly need to broaden our horizons and see the greater good which will benefit us all."

"Interreligious dialogue is a necessary condition for peace in the world.... what is not helpful is a diplomatic openness which says 'yes' to everything in order to avoid problems. We Christians should embrace with affection and respect Muslim immigrants to our countries. Faced with disconcerting episodes of violent fundamentalism, our respect for true followers of Islam should lead us to avoid hateful generalizations, for authentic Islam and the proper reading of the Koran are opposed to every form of violence."

Yes. Yes. Yes.

St. Francis of Assisi, pray for us that we may rebuild God's Church as you did.

Juxta Crucem Tecum Stare

Today I stood with you beneath the cross,
And felt more clearly than I ever did
That you became our Mother only there.
Even an earthly mother faithfully
Seeks to fulfill the last will of her son.
But you became the handmaid of the Lord.
The life and being of the God made Man
Was perfectly inscribed in your own life.
So you could take your own into your heart,
And with the lifeblood of your bitter pains
You purchased life anew for every soul.
You know us all, our wounds, our imperfections;
But you also know the celestial radiance
Which your Son's love would shed on us in heaven.
Thus carefully you guide our faltering footsteps,
No price too high for you to lead us to our goal.
But those whom you have chosen for companions
To stand with you around the eternal throne,
They here must stand with you beneath the cross,
And with the lifeblood of their own bitter pains
Must purchase heavenly glory for those souls
Whom God's own Son entrusted to their care.

St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross, written on Good Friday in 1938

Incarnational Evangelization

This week I was given multiple opportunities to have really awesome conversations with a few Protestants and an Atheist. It felt so good to have really meaningful conversations with people I hardly know. We didn't talk much about ourselves, but about Truth. Although when I talk about Truth, I would be remiss not to mention what God has done in my life, especially over the past few years.

I was also able to see the ways in which my current job has influenced my ability to evangelize. Personal finance is so touchy, people are very guarded about the way they view, spend, and save money. Even though I am the financial professional, sometimes it is difficult to get a good grasp on someone's financial situation. I've spent the last two years learning to craft questions for my clients to help them self realize what they should do, and provide financial education along the way. I'm pretty good at it, but I still have a long way to go. For a depiction (which I find hilarious and accurate) of my day to day life, watch this video. Warning: one f bomb at the end.

This year I've also spent a lot of time getting inside the minds of 8th and 9th grade girls and learning about what makes them tick. I'm far better at financial planning, let me tell you. One of the things I appreciate so much more about FOCUS and evangelizing to college students and young adults is that the men and women who are being evangelized are much more rational than my 8th and 9th grade girls. In a lot of ways, I read and thought myself into the faith. I had a lot of emotional experiences of God when I was in high school, and I do believe that those are the seeds of faith. When I got to college, it was more important to me to know what I believed. Today, my faith is pretty intellectual. This has kept me coming back for more, even when I couldn't feel God moving in my life, and for this I am extremely grateful. I am nowhere near as holy as God wants me to be and I fail all.the.time., but I'm so stubborn that I just won't quit. When I'm having conversations with adults, I feel like I'm able to get an understanding of their points of views and ask questions to hopefully help them self realize what I want to tell them, instead of just telling them flat out. I never knew how to do this as a missionary. I would like to spend a lot more time getting better at this. I don't mean to sound manipulative, but I do think it can be an effective strategy in helping someone see Truth. 

I'm even more convinced that authentic evangelization comes from living in community and building real, tangible relationships. The internet is so annoying to me lately, from #redcupgate to all the hashtag activists. It drives me nuts. Everyone has an opinion, no one takes any action. The world is changed for the better in communities of people who are inspired to change their schedules to help another person. (One of the defining characteristics of a disciple maker from the FOCUS Discipleship Road Map)

Anyways, right now I'm reading some of the writings of Edith Stein (Sr. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross)  and I wanted to share with you some of the things I read that moved me this week (parenthesis and bolds are mine):

"Those who attain the freedom of these heights (holiness) and expansive views have outgrown what is usually called "happiness" and "unhappiness." They may have to fight hard for worldly existence, may lack the support of a warm family life or, correspondingly, of the human community which sustains and supports-- but lonely and joyless they can no longer be. Those who live with the Holy Church and its liturgy, i.e., as authentic Catholics, can never be lonely: they find themselves embedded in the great human community; everywhere, all are united as brothers and sisters in the depths of their hearts."

She goes on to write:

"According to everything which we learn from personal experience and the history of salvation, the Lord's method is to form persons through other persons... Persons are used as instruments to awaken and nurture the divine spark. Thus, natural and supernatural factors reveal that even in the life of grace, "it is not good that man should be alone.""

God is good!

St. Frances Cabrini, pray for us. 

I Did It!

Today I learned how to drive a stick shift!!!

I'm so proud of myself.

It was tough to get going and I killed the car probably dozens of times. But it was awesome. And now I feel super accomplished.

On the way home, in my car, I even kept noticing the shift changes my car was doing automatically, and my left foot was even like what? Nothing to do?

If I were ever in an emergency situation where I needed to drive a stick, now I know for sure that I can!

St. Frances of Rome, pray for us!

Death: A New Perspective

Today I gave a talk to a bunch of 7th and 8th graders about the Holy Spirit. Never in my life have I felt so inadequate and unworthy to give a talk. I talked it through with some trusty friends about what points to get across. Most of these kids have never met the Holy Spirit before, so this was really an introduction. I didn't know where to start. 30 minutes to cover the third person of the Trinity??

Anyways, it went well, pray that the kids will be radically open to the Holy Spirit working in their lives!

While I was researching for the talk, I found this:

http://thewildgooseisloose.com/home-fulton

I am SO excited for this project to come out. And my friend Jenn McAleer's parents started 4pm Media, which is super cool. I LOVE the image of the Holy Spirit as a wild goose. The middle schoolers loved it too, I think.

So I prepared a lot for this talk. Maybe more than I have ever prepared for a talk before. There was editing. That's how nervous I was. I kept asking myself, "what is the ONE thing I want them to know about the Holy Spirt?" And I still don't have an answer to that question. 

I was trying to find the answer today, even after the whole talk had been prepared. I went to Adoration and sat in the front row. I was in arms length of Jesus and I asked Him to tell me what to say. He didn't. I took that to mean that He was cool with what I had prepared, so we went with that. But what we did talk about was death. It's been on my mind ever since we put Bella down, and also with All Saints and All Souls Days. Sorry that it took me putting my dog to sleep to get a new perspective on death. The Lord uses all things for good!

I never talk about this because I'm supposed to be holy but if you've read my blog for any length of time you know how feeble my attempts at becoming holy are, so the cat's out of the bag: death and eternity often scare me. It is the unknown about all of it that is the most scary, I think. It's also scary that it's permanent and can never be undone. I don't like change. I know a lot about numbers, but the idea of infinity can't be contained in my brain, and I don't like that. I've heard that Heaven described as more real than earth. That is a comforting thought to me, because it's a promise of something similar to what we experience now, but more authentic, more good, true, and beautiful.

While I was with Jesus today, thinking about how Jesus said that it was better for Him to go so that He would send the Advocate. And at the end of our time on earth, it is good for us to go too. It is BETTER than staying here. Death is a good thing. I thought of death as if it were birth. We have that image in the prayer of St. Francis when we talk about being born into eternal life. Birth is permanent, a baby cannot be unborn once it is born. When a woman becomes pregnant, the baby's birth is inevitable, and it is a great thing. The alternative is worse. Death is permanent but it isn't the end. It's a transition into a place where we can become who God truly made us to be.

This song has literally been on repeat in my mind. It's not her original, check out John Mark McMillan's version if you prefer more of a rock feel.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVfDQyw4guc
"On Friday, a thief, on Sunday, a King... the man Jesus Christ laid death in his grave." YES.

To live is Christ, to die is gain!

Veni Sancte Spiritus.