I'm sure I've written posts about this before, but I am, without a doubt, one of the most nostalgic people I know. Or maybe I just think I am because I don't know what other people think. But I really think I am.
Anyways.
Lately I, like the rest of America, have gotten on the Netflix Train, no stops in sight. (Cue the song Long Black Train by Josh Turner.) I've been watching Dawson's Creek. I never watched it when it was on television, probably because it is slightly before my time. The Netflix description says that it's about teenagers, drama, and sex. There are discussions about sex, and some of the characters have sex (it is, after all, a show about six teenagers), but compared to the stuff that is on television today, it is totally G rated. Sex is something that they take very seriously and are never vulgar either in speech or deed about it on the show. I respect that.
Watching the show has made me miss my own teenage years. Emotions were running wild and I remember feeling like no one understood me. I, like Joey, one of the main characters on Dawson's Creek, was not having sex, even though a lot of my friends were. I remember feeling the pressure of both my own hormones and whichever boy I was dating at the time to do it, but I had also read that marriages where people wait to have sex statistically show a less than 4% chance of ending in divorce. Coming from a single-parent household (and being the stubborn girl that I am,) I knew that if I ever were to marry, it'd be once, and it'd be for good. And, (by the grace of God) even as a teenager, I was willing to do whatever it would take to make that happen.
I particularly think back to the summer after we all turned sixteen. I had a group of about 7 girl friends and we had so much fun together. We spent so many nights doing crazy things, talking shit about each other, obsessing over the crush of the week, and just being kids. There was no responsibility and really not a whole lot to worry about in general. We would go to the lake or hang out by someone's pool almost every day. There was always some sort of drama going on, almost always involving a boy or a few, haha. I guess it was fun because the drama, although whichever heartbroken girl got burned by it would have disagreed at the time, was always fleeting and never something that we couldn't get past.
It's weird for me to think back on those days with such fondness. Because of my nostalgic personality, even at the time I knew I wanted to be sixteen forever. The weirdest part about it is that I can't believe I loved my life so much before I really knew Jesus. But man, I loved my life back then.
When I was a missionary, I couldn't understand how people could even be happy without knowing Jesus. The world is a fun place though. I guess it's like an amusement park, it's super fun while you're there, but it isn't full-time reality. Even the world which we know isn't that real compared to eternity with the Good, True, and Beautiful. Unfortunately for me, I am just sanguine enough to be content with the things of the world... or at least I was back then.
There's a really weird thing that our generation is going through right now. At no point in the history of humanity has it been common for people to marry after age 25. I wrote about marrying young in my last post, and still, I'm wondering how this shift is going to affect the future. It's like our generation is pioneering this period of limbo. In the age of the "man child" and with most twenty-somethings owning colossal amounts of student debt, we have to think about these consequences. It may be becoming the new normal, but no other generation has ever had to deal with this.
When I was in high school, one of the reasons I was so nostalgic (especially towards graduation,) was because I loved life so much that I couldn't imagine it ever getting any better. I went to college and found out pretty quickly that it could, in fact, get better. As I graduated from college and joined staff with FOCUS, again I thought it could never get any better than college. Wrong again! FOCUS at Auburn was amazing and knowing Jesus and sharing the Gospel is one of the most important things that I will ever do. When I left Auburn, again, I was so sad because I didn't think it could ever be better.
Now, as I sit here almost two years later, I still wonder if it ever will get any better than that time in my life. I'm sure, when I marry and have children, that I will be the happiest I've ever been. But for now, I'm in limbo, waiting for God to prove me wrong again. The human race isn't used to facing the real world alone. In generations past, people were married by the time they got to the point where they were saving for retirement and choosing cutlery. No wonder everyone feels so overwhelmed! God said it is not good for him to be alone!
Scoreboard, right now:
Real World, 1, Brittany, 0.
A lot of people have opinions on regrets, etc., and I don't think this has a whole lot to do with that. But if someone asked me if I could go back to those summer nights, to tell you the truth, I'd probably say yes.
Blessed John Paul II, pray for us.
10 February 2014
02 February 2014
Hopes & Dreams
Do you ever just get so swept up in your thoughts about the future?
There are SO many things that I want to do. Sometimes it is overwhelming.
When its cold outside, I long for warm nights outside when the sun goes down around 9pm, and when it's hot I can't wait for sweaters and pumpkin flavored things and leaves changing.
When I'm sick of my routine, I think about traveling to see sweet friends that I miss, and when I'm away from home I can't wait to get back.
When I get on a health kick I crave junk food, and when I get off my health kick I feel like crap.
There are always so many ways I want to improve myself. I want to learn so many things. I want to play tennis, I want to read more, I want to start riding again, I want to pray more, I want to learn to quilt, I want to be a better cook, I want to play the piano, I want to speak more spanish and paint more.
Not to mention, right now I'm working 48-50 hours per week and I'm studying for the CFP about 10 hours per week. There's only so much time, you know? I feel like the only solution is to just sleep less.
I really don't know how people do it! Sometimes it seems like there just aren't enough hours in the day to do all of the things I want to do.
Our Lady of Expectation, pray for us!
There are SO many things that I want to do. Sometimes it is overwhelming.
When its cold outside, I long for warm nights outside when the sun goes down around 9pm, and when it's hot I can't wait for sweaters and pumpkin flavored things and leaves changing.
When I'm sick of my routine, I think about traveling to see sweet friends that I miss, and when I'm away from home I can't wait to get back.
When I get on a health kick I crave junk food, and when I get off my health kick I feel like crap.
There are always so many ways I want to improve myself. I want to learn so many things. I want to play tennis, I want to read more, I want to start riding again, I want to pray more, I want to learn to quilt, I want to be a better cook, I want to play the piano, I want to speak more spanish and paint more.
Not to mention, right now I'm working 48-50 hours per week and I'm studying for the CFP about 10 hours per week. There's only so much time, you know? I feel like the only solution is to just sleep less.
I really don't know how people do it! Sometimes it seems like there just aren't enough hours in the day to do all of the things I want to do.
Our Lady of Expectation, pray for us!
26 January 2014
#thesinglelife
So, I'm 24.
That's pretty young. I think.
But you know how so many people get married right out of college? Well, when I was IN college, I'd always hoped that would be the case for me. Obviously, no luck there; mixed with the fact that I spent what would have been my senior year on the DF (dating fast) with FOCUS, it wasn't in the cards. No big deal.
Now that I'm in the "real world," people get married much later than in my previous groups of friends. In Catholic circles, it is the exception rather than the rule for people to get married after about age 28. In my office, most of the people who are married are at least 30.
There are a lot of critics of young marriage, and a lot of people believe that the younger two people are when they get married, the more likely they will be to divorce. I know there are a lot of factors that go into the divorce epidemic in our country, but I really think getting married young can hardly be a leading cause. In fact, as I get older, I feel myself become more set in my ways, and I wonder how, when the time comes, I will be able to let someone into my life. Dating and engagement are one thing, but marriage is a whole different ballgame. Day in and day out waking up to the same person with the same bad habits can't be easy.
I feel like the older one waits to get married, the harder it is to combine lives. For example, right now I am buying basically an entire apartment full of furniture. What if I don't get married until I'm 30, and he has his own favorite chair that just HAS to be in our living room, and way of folding towels that doesn't make any sense to me? See, right out of college, you're used to living with roommates and dealing with a lot of different types of people and ways of doing things. Plus, you don't have a whole bunch of stuff or a set way of loading the dishwasher or rolling up your toothpaste tube.
I guess these things are small and insignificant when it comes to love.
Right now I'm living with my friend from high school and her husband and their 5 year old (and baby on the way). They've been married for 5 years and when I think about the way they do things, sometimes I just can't imagine ever getting married. For example, right now, when I want to go out to dinner, I don't consult anyone, I just go. When you're married, those decisions have to be made together. Living with them has really allowed me to see marriage for what it really is: a daily commitment to love. Before this experience it seemed so glamourous. Now, some of that has worn off but in a really beautiful way that allows me to be detached from my thoughts of what it would/could/should be and see it how it truly is.
Maybe God is detaching me from my hopes about marriage because He's got something else up His sleeve ;)... or maybe not!
St. Joseph, most chaste spouse of the Blessed Virgin, pray for us.
That's pretty young. I think.
But you know how so many people get married right out of college? Well, when I was IN college, I'd always hoped that would be the case for me. Obviously, no luck there; mixed with the fact that I spent what would have been my senior year on the DF (dating fast) with FOCUS, it wasn't in the cards. No big deal.
Now that I'm in the "real world," people get married much later than in my previous groups of friends. In Catholic circles, it is the exception rather than the rule for people to get married after about age 28. In my office, most of the people who are married are at least 30.
There are a lot of critics of young marriage, and a lot of people believe that the younger two people are when they get married, the more likely they will be to divorce. I know there are a lot of factors that go into the divorce epidemic in our country, but I really think getting married young can hardly be a leading cause. In fact, as I get older, I feel myself become more set in my ways, and I wonder how, when the time comes, I will be able to let someone into my life. Dating and engagement are one thing, but marriage is a whole different ballgame. Day in and day out waking up to the same person with the same bad habits can't be easy.
I feel like the older one waits to get married, the harder it is to combine lives. For example, right now I am buying basically an entire apartment full of furniture. What if I don't get married until I'm 30, and he has his own favorite chair that just HAS to be in our living room, and way of folding towels that doesn't make any sense to me? See, right out of college, you're used to living with roommates and dealing with a lot of different types of people and ways of doing things. Plus, you don't have a whole bunch of stuff or a set way of loading the dishwasher or rolling up your toothpaste tube.
I guess these things are small and insignificant when it comes to love.
Right now I'm living with my friend from high school and her husband and their 5 year old (and baby on the way). They've been married for 5 years and when I think about the way they do things, sometimes I just can't imagine ever getting married. For example, right now, when I want to go out to dinner, I don't consult anyone, I just go. When you're married, those decisions have to be made together. Living with them has really allowed me to see marriage for what it really is: a daily commitment to love. Before this experience it seemed so glamourous. Now, some of that has worn off but in a really beautiful way that allows me to be detached from my thoughts of what it would/could/should be and see it how it truly is.
Maybe God is detaching me from my hopes about marriage because He's got something else up His sleeve ;)... or maybe not!
St. Joseph, most chaste spouse of the Blessed Virgin, pray for us.
03 January 2014
New Year, New You.... Again!
You probably won't expect this to come from me, but I LOVE the New Year. I don't particularly enjoy New Year's Eve just in general, but I love the idea of a fresh new start. I love making resolutions, I love making lists and crossing things off of them, I just love the whole idea of self improvement... which is good... because this self has a lot of improving to do.
This year I made a LOT of Resolutions. Some I'll keep, some I won't. Some are high priority ("must works") and some are not.. ("stretch goals.") I try to make resolutions during the liturgical new year but I never remember them.
I would write a list of all of the things I want to accomplish this year, but I'll spare you. Trust me, it's a long list. I will say this: I think it is important to have multiple types of goals: spiritual, physical, financial, educational, emotional, relationship, etc.
Last year was a big year for me. A lot of things changed. I went from full time Catholic missionary to Stock Broker/Investment Adviser. I moved from FL to TX... and a few times there after. I saved $5000 and paid off a lot of debt. I became financially independent. I met and became friends with people who I would not normally spend time with. I basically destroyed my comfort zone. I've seen brokenness in ways I thought only existed in rom-coms. I've been assured time and time again in the Truth which is found in the teachings of the Catholic Church and I've loved Her more for it. I spent a lot of time thinking about what ifs.
This year I am going to focus on Jesus and me. I want to be excellent. I want to know Jesus better. He and I both love me too much to leave me where I'm at. We have big plans. Mostly I want to live every day like it's New Year's Day. Every single day is an opportunity to wake up, look yourself in the mirror, and be the best person you can be. Every day you face failure, but if you fail once and decide to wait until next year to try again... you're only hurting yourself. There's no point in feeling guilty because you forgot to pray your rosary yesterday, by the time you're done thinking about it you could be on the second decade of your rosary for today! God doesn't live in the past, and the future doesn't even exist. I have to meet Him in the "here and now." The present, not the past or the future, is where time touches eternity. Pray for me! I'll pray for you!
Mary, Queen of Expectation, pray for us!
24 December 2013
A Twinkling City & The Magic of Christmas
Last week, I flew from Dallas to New Orleans and back for a visit with some sweet friends from college and to see some other sweet friends tie the knot in Mobile! It was pretty neat to take off and see so many lights twinkling, it made the whole city seem happy and full of Christmas joy.
I'm not sure how to articulate my thoughts and feelings about Christmas. I will try not to make this a part two of my "I hate Thanksgiving" post.
I have some similar feelings towards the two holidays, but they result from different things. You see, I think we make way too big of a deal about Thanksgiving, and I feel quite the opposite about Christmas. We do not make it a big enough deal. It's so commercial, which I think cheapens the whole season and experience.
I'm very bad at receiving gifts. VERY bad. I love getting gifts that have been well thought out. It makes me feel loved when someone knows me and cares enough to think about something I would actually like, and buys or makes it for me for Christmas. On the other hand, when I receive a gift of clothes or shoes or something dumb that I don't want or need, I feel like the person who gave the gift (admittedly usually my mom or another family member) not only doesn't know me, but doesn't care enough to take the time to get to know me. And honestly, I'd rather receive nothing, because otherwise I feel guilty about them wasting their money. I know the value of a dollar and I'd rather someone pay off $20 of their credit card debt than buy me another damn scarf. It's all very selfish, I suppose. I don't know.
I also only like to give gifts that are well thought out. That's another reason why Christmas is stressful, because all of a sudden, you're supposed to give a gift to everyone at once and there's no time to think of each person as an individual. It can often take me a month to decide what I want to get for someone or to think of the perfect idea. (Hence, my friends who got married in August still have not received a gift from me.)
All of this is beside the point of Christmas though. Don't get me wrong, I love sitting in a dark living room in warm comfy clothes with a twinkling Christmas tree watching a cheesy Christmas movie on ABC Family with some hot chocolate and some Christmas sweets just as much as anyone could. But I don't spend NEARLY enough time contemplating the Truth of the Holiday, which is that this is the day that we celebrate the birth of the Savior of the World and the triumph of love over death. I've never been good at being patient and keeping the spirit of Advent in my heart during this season. The God of the Universe took on flesh so that He could intimately know me, and just for the sliver of a hopeful possibility that I would choose Him over myself, and live with Him in love for eternity. It wasn't even guaranteed that I would say yes, but just for the chance that I might He became a helpless little baby and carried a cross to His death 33 years later, and He would have done it all even if I were the only sinner on earth.
That is groundbreaking. That is earth-shattering. That is love.
Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God and Son of the Blessed Virgin, come to reign in our hearts and have mercy on me, a sinner. Be born in us this night.
Merry Christmas to you and yours!
I'm not sure how to articulate my thoughts and feelings about Christmas. I will try not to make this a part two of my "I hate Thanksgiving" post.
I have some similar feelings towards the two holidays, but they result from different things. You see, I think we make way too big of a deal about Thanksgiving, and I feel quite the opposite about Christmas. We do not make it a big enough deal. It's so commercial, which I think cheapens the whole season and experience.
I'm very bad at receiving gifts. VERY bad. I love getting gifts that have been well thought out. It makes me feel loved when someone knows me and cares enough to think about something I would actually like, and buys or makes it for me for Christmas. On the other hand, when I receive a gift of clothes or shoes or something dumb that I don't want or need, I feel like the person who gave the gift (admittedly usually my mom or another family member) not only doesn't know me, but doesn't care enough to take the time to get to know me. And honestly, I'd rather receive nothing, because otherwise I feel guilty about them wasting their money. I know the value of a dollar and I'd rather someone pay off $20 of their credit card debt than buy me another damn scarf. It's all very selfish, I suppose. I don't know.
I also only like to give gifts that are well thought out. That's another reason why Christmas is stressful, because all of a sudden, you're supposed to give a gift to everyone at once and there's no time to think of each person as an individual. It can often take me a month to decide what I want to get for someone or to think of the perfect idea. (Hence, my friends who got married in August still have not received a gift from me.)
All of this is beside the point of Christmas though. Don't get me wrong, I love sitting in a dark living room in warm comfy clothes with a twinkling Christmas tree watching a cheesy Christmas movie on ABC Family with some hot chocolate and some Christmas sweets just as much as anyone could. But I don't spend NEARLY enough time contemplating the Truth of the Holiday, which is that this is the day that we celebrate the birth of the Savior of the World and the triumph of love over death. I've never been good at being patient and keeping the spirit of Advent in my heart during this season. The God of the Universe took on flesh so that He could intimately know me, and just for the sliver of a hopeful possibility that I would choose Him over myself, and live with Him in love for eternity. It wasn't even guaranteed that I would say yes, but just for the chance that I might He became a helpless little baby and carried a cross to His death 33 years later, and He would have done it all even if I were the only sinner on earth.
That is groundbreaking. That is earth-shattering. That is love.
Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God and Son of the Blessed Virgin, come to reign in our hearts and have mercy on me, a sinner. Be born in us this night.
Merry Christmas to you and yours!
15 December 2013
Fear of Commitment
Guess what new vice has creeped up on me?
Mhmm... yep. That's right.
How did this happen? I have no idea.
The first time I thought that I might have contracted a case of commitophobia was when I was asked to sing in the LifeTeen choir for Advent. (You can read about that a few posts ago... Update: I only made it to one out of the three Sundays I committed to... can you say flaky?) I convinced myself that I just didn't want to do it and didn't want to make the time sacrifices necessary because frankly, I just didn't care. All of those things are true, but my old self would have sucked it up and gone, it's only three Sundays after all.
The second time I thought about it was when I went to look at an apartment that I'm thinking about moving into. With my new job and our company slowing down slightly in how fast people are moving up, the expectation was set that we would be in our current roles for 9 to 12 months before another promotion. So I figured that I should settle down here in Texas for a while and make the most of the situation. That includes a living situation that is homey and comfortable and secure. But even still, the thought of signing a 12 month lease freaks me out! I have no idea why... maybe it's because of my former nomadic lifestyle with FOCUS and even in college, but 12 months is a long time. A lot can happen in 12 months. The what-if's are overwhelming.
Part of it is because I haven't really found my people here in Texas yet. In college and in FOCUS it's so easy to make friends. Everyone has the same set of beliefs as you, everyone cares about your soul, everyone desires your good. The real world just isn't like that. All of the legit Catholics I know are married, so it's really hard to find friends that I connect with on a deeper level. Sure I have "friends" but none of them really know me. And it's bad because I'm starting to wonder if I even know myself anymore.
When I first started working in Corporate America, I felt bad for my co-workers because it seemed like none of them had any depth. But as a sanguine, it's easy for me to forget about anything deeper than the here and now, too. Without praying a holy hour everyday (or really even more than once a week, to be honest), everyone knows that it's going to be hard to know Jesus. But no one told me it'd be hard to know myself too. I guess I should have put two and two together, but sometimes you have to learn things the hard way, you know?
So I'm doing the only thing I can do. I'm facing my fears. I'm committing. Commitment takes sacrifice, and that's something I haven't done much of in the last few months. (I think I know my New Year's Resolution.) 12 months, here I come. I'm calling the apartment company and seeing when I can go sign on the dotted line. Also, I'm cutting 8 inches off of my hair today. I guess it's just time to grab the bull by the horns.
(And in case you're wondering... no... I'm not going back to LifeTeen Choir. Baby steps.)
St. Peter, pray for me.
Mhmm... yep. That's right.
How did this happen? I have no idea.
The first time I thought that I might have contracted a case of commitophobia was when I was asked to sing in the LifeTeen choir for Advent. (You can read about that a few posts ago... Update: I only made it to one out of the three Sundays I committed to... can you say flaky?) I convinced myself that I just didn't want to do it and didn't want to make the time sacrifices necessary because frankly, I just didn't care. All of those things are true, but my old self would have sucked it up and gone, it's only three Sundays after all.
The second time I thought about it was when I went to look at an apartment that I'm thinking about moving into. With my new job and our company slowing down slightly in how fast people are moving up, the expectation was set that we would be in our current roles for 9 to 12 months before another promotion. So I figured that I should settle down here in Texas for a while and make the most of the situation. That includes a living situation that is homey and comfortable and secure. But even still, the thought of signing a 12 month lease freaks me out! I have no idea why... maybe it's because of my former nomadic lifestyle with FOCUS and even in college, but 12 months is a long time. A lot can happen in 12 months. The what-if's are overwhelming.
Part of it is because I haven't really found my people here in Texas yet. In college and in FOCUS it's so easy to make friends. Everyone has the same set of beliefs as you, everyone cares about your soul, everyone desires your good. The real world just isn't like that. All of the legit Catholics I know are married, so it's really hard to find friends that I connect with on a deeper level. Sure I have "friends" but none of them really know me. And it's bad because I'm starting to wonder if I even know myself anymore.
When I first started working in Corporate America, I felt bad for my co-workers because it seemed like none of them had any depth. But as a sanguine, it's easy for me to forget about anything deeper than the here and now, too. Without praying a holy hour everyday (or really even more than once a week, to be honest), everyone knows that it's going to be hard to know Jesus. But no one told me it'd be hard to know myself too. I guess I should have put two and two together, but sometimes you have to learn things the hard way, you know?
So I'm doing the only thing I can do. I'm facing my fears. I'm committing. Commitment takes sacrifice, and that's something I haven't done much of in the last few months. (I think I know my New Year's Resolution.) 12 months, here I come. I'm calling the apartment company and seeing when I can go sign on the dotted line. Also, I'm cutting 8 inches off of my hair today. I guess it's just time to grab the bull by the horns.
(And in case you're wondering... no... I'm not going back to LifeTeen Choir. Baby steps.)
St. Peter, pray for me.
27 November 2013
Much Ado
I had a good day today. But now I want to rant. And this is my blog so I'm going to do it.
I hate Thanksgiving.
There, I said it. I feel much better.
I hate any time people make a big deal over something that is or should be ordinary. What is possibly so great about a random Thursday in November that we have to spend days preparing and hours cooking a meal so large it could feed a family four times over, and then sit around all day eating? I just don't understand. It doesn't help that I don't like Thanksgiving food. I'd rather have steak and a baked potato.
This year, I signed up to work overtime so that I could have an excuse to avoid the mayhem, but I was too late and all the spots were filled. Dammit.
I did watch Pocahontas this week with the 4 year old roommate, that kinda got me in the spirit. Love me some land-stealing, smallpox-blanket-giving pilgrims. Like I need another reminder of the crimes of my ancestors.
Also, while I'm on the subject of ranting. I want to rant about how selfish I've been lately. From not wanting to give up my time, to not wanting to give up my friends (as you can see in the last few posts of mine), I'm getting pretttttty selfish. And let me tell you, it's ugly. I'm working on it. (Probably not as hard as I should be, but I am.)
As I was in rehearsal for the LifeTeen Mass this week, I kept thinking of ways I could be martyred. (It was bad.) After the 2 hour rehearsal was over, the director said "okay, see y'all on Saturday at 6" and I thought "Psyche! See you on Sunday morning." Not an ice cube's chance in Hell I'm missing part of the Iron Bowl. The whole rehearsal I kept thinking about how I was doing this for Jesus. But I did it with such a bad attitude in my head that I don't think it brings Him any glory. I haven't got that "suffering with joy" thing down yet, sorry St. Pete.
Martyrdom seems like a great idea because I know that way I'd get to Heaven. Flannery O once said that she could never be a saint, but she thought she could be martyred if they did it quick. I think I've posted that quote in this blog before actually, but I'm still right there with her. Sometimes I think that's the only way I'll make it to Heaven.
Anyways, my ideal Thanksgiving looks like this, this year:
Wake up late
Eat a normal meal
Lay around in sweats
Watch football
Check out the good deals online
Go shopping for some work clothes and shoes
And here's what I'll actually be doing:
Huge meal at 1
Movies at 4
Probably no shopping
Probably no football
Probably no sweatpants
#disaster
Mary, Queen of Thanksgiving, Pray for me.
I hate Thanksgiving.
There, I said it. I feel much better.
I hate any time people make a big deal over something that is or should be ordinary. What is possibly so great about a random Thursday in November that we have to spend days preparing and hours cooking a meal so large it could feed a family four times over, and then sit around all day eating? I just don't understand. It doesn't help that I don't like Thanksgiving food. I'd rather have steak and a baked potato.
This year, I signed up to work overtime so that I could have an excuse to avoid the mayhem, but I was too late and all the spots were filled. Dammit.
I did watch Pocahontas this week with the 4 year old roommate, that kinda got me in the spirit. Love me some land-stealing, smallpox-blanket-giving pilgrims. Like I need another reminder of the crimes of my ancestors.
Also, while I'm on the subject of ranting. I want to rant about how selfish I've been lately. From not wanting to give up my time, to not wanting to give up my friends (as you can see in the last few posts of mine), I'm getting pretttttty selfish. And let me tell you, it's ugly. I'm working on it. (Probably not as hard as I should be, but I am.)
As I was in rehearsal for the LifeTeen Mass this week, I kept thinking of ways I could be martyred. (It was bad.) After the 2 hour rehearsal was over, the director said "okay, see y'all on Saturday at 6" and I thought "Psyche! See you on Sunday morning." Not an ice cube's chance in Hell I'm missing part of the Iron Bowl. The whole rehearsal I kept thinking about how I was doing this for Jesus. But I did it with such a bad attitude in my head that I don't think it brings Him any glory. I haven't got that "suffering with joy" thing down yet, sorry St. Pete.
Martyrdom seems like a great idea because I know that way I'd get to Heaven. Flannery O once said that she could never be a saint, but she thought she could be martyred if they did it quick. I think I've posted that quote in this blog before actually, but I'm still right there with her. Sometimes I think that's the only way I'll make it to Heaven.
Anyways, my ideal Thanksgiving looks like this, this year:
Wake up late
Eat a normal meal
Lay around in sweats
Watch football
Check out the good deals online
Go shopping for some work clothes and shoes
And here's what I'll actually be doing:
Huge meal at 1
Movies at 4
Probably no shopping
Probably no football
Probably no sweatpants
#disaster
Mary, Queen of Thanksgiving, Pray for me.
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