The "Little Way" of Suffering

 This year I am a catechist in a level one atrium doing Catechesis of the Good Shepherd. It's a Montessori style Catholic religious education program. I have 14 (!!!) 3-6 year olds in my atrium and they honestly amaze me every week.

A few weeks ago, I was presenting the Magi to a three year old and as I finished, I said "I wonder why they brought gold to the baby Jesus." Sweet Jack said to me, "because He's a KING!" 
I said "YES! He's a King! But the Magi were kings too.... so why was Baby Jesus different?" (Honestly I had no idea what he would say.) And Jack said "because of the FATHER!" 

Out of the mouths of babes, right?

This week I made it to the chapel every day but Friday. So we're putting that in the W column. 

I think the two best things I have ever done to become more holy are 1. putting my physical body in the same physical space as Jesus for more than 10 minutes per day and 2. getting in the WORD daily. 

I have a LOT of rough edges that the Lord is trying to smooth out. On one hand, I am hesitant to call anything that I experience suffering because I know that I live a very privileged life: a life that people pray for, a life that I've prayed for. On the other hand, any time we die to ourselves and our preferences, it is a suffering, isn't it? And if I brush it off as a minor inconvenience or an annoyance, I'm not letting the Lord into it. If I call it suffering, then I can extend an invitation to the Lord to let Him come in. 

Since the new liturgical year began at Advent, I feel like my word for this year is Suffering. But I also don't think that there is going to be any huge trial I face or any big obstacle I have to overcome. Instead, I think the Lord is teaching me the "little way" of suffering. He's walking through my heart and picking up little stones that have been firmly rooted. It hurts when He lifts them up, but then He asks, "can I come and abide in this space too?" And have I not been praying "Thy will be done" for decades? So yes, Jesus, you can come and abide even in the hard rocky crevices and the tenderness underneath, even in the dirt and the mud and the space between. You can come and be the light in the places that have been shrouded in darkness for far too long, even when it hurts a little to let you get there. Thy will be done. 

Routines

 If you have ever met me even for 30 seconds you either know explicitly or could assume correctly that I love lists and routines and organization and order and resolutions and planners. 

I think it's because my thoughts often feel chaotic, so I have to create order in my world externally This is probably also why I rarely drink and don't like to feel tipsy at all. 

We could go down a whole rabbit hole, but I'll save that for therapy.

I know that COVID changed everything for everyone, and even though I didn't change jobs or friend groups or locations (well I did move, but only 2.4 miles down the road),  I still feel like my whole world turned upside down when we had to be isolated from people for so long. Last year I spent a lot of time trying to remember what life was like before COVID and getting back to that. I'm finally fully adapted to working from home and I'm even starting a new small group that will meet at my house. 

All this to say, my routines are really important to me (am I on the spectrum? who knows?) and they are really giving me a lot of LIFE this year so far. 

My morning routine involves waking up, coming in my office, taking 3 appointments (9am, 10am, 11am) and at some point grabbing my yogurt + granola + collagen coffee for some protein and caffeine. 
Ideally lunch involves a little mental health walk and some eggs + protein, but this week coming up I have a few meetings at the church during my normal lunch break. 

After work I like to drop by the chapel and pray for a bit, and I've committed to doing #NT24 where we read the whole New Testament in 24 days. Today is day 7? I think? We're finishing John's Gospel. 

At night to wind down, I do some reading, do my skin care, and floss my teeth. Then I take my vitamins, do my NYT crossword and go to bed around 12:30. 

On Friday I went to a prayer night at my friend's house and afterwards some friends were like so how are you, how have you been? And I was like honestly, I'm just like living this quiet little life that looks the same everyday and I kinda love it. I feel like it gives me so much freedom. 

Prayer was inconsistent this week, my goal is to make it to the chapel every single day this week. Hold me accountable, bloggy. 

Love you, mean it, byeeeee <3 

Snowday Sunday

 All the rumors are true. Long form writing is back. The world of 160 characters just isn't enough for me. 

My goal is to write something every Sunday. Maybe it's cathartic. Maybe it's just because I tend to be an external processor. Maybe it's because I'm super nostalgic and want to be able to read my thoughts in a few years.

If this blog were an old friend I had neglected for a few years, I'd have a lot to update it on, but I think instead of walking down memory lane I'll just pick up at the present day and see how it goes. 

My parish recently opened a new Adoration Chapel and my prayer life has benefited tremendously. Today's second reading from 1 Cor 6:13-20 reminded me why that's the case. We're body AND soul, and physically getting my body in the same space as Jesus's is for my good, whether or not my soul recognizes a difference in the moment. 

Today's first reading from 1 Sam 3:3-10 reminded me of a few conversations I've had lately about the voice of the Father. Samuel hears the Lord calling, but he thinks it is Eli who is calling him. But if God's voice sounded completely different from Eli's voice, Samuel wouldn't have gone to Eli. Eli's voice sounds like the voice of the Father to Samuel. It is so important that fathers' voices sound to their children's ears and mind like the voice of God the Father because they are the image of the Father to their children. 

A few months ago I was presenting the Good Shepherd to a six year old in my atrium. When we finished the story I said, "I wonder what the voice of the Shepherd sounds like." He looked up at me, shrugged his shoulders, and said, "welp, we can't know!" It was a very funny interaction, but I was thinking about it for a long time afterwards. How many adults really believe it's true that we can't know what the Shepherd's voice sounds like? And if they don't believe it's possible to know what His voice sounds like, surely they're not listening to it and practicing hearing it. And if we haven't listened for it and practiced hearing it, how can we speak with it when it's time to pass it on to our children? 

I hope all of us learn to hear clearly the voice of the Father, to love it, to cherish it, and to act on it. 

I'm thinking about resurrecting the ole blog

 What do you think???

Does anyone read anything longer than 160 characters anymore?

The world is not the same world it was when I last blogged in 2018.




Surprise to no one: I still love my layout, blog title, and header photo. 

Jesus has been doing a lot in me and I think I need a place to keep track of it, even if no one reads blogs. It's for me, not for you.

Man, Fully Alive

This past month, I took the trip of a lifetime to Yellowstone National Park. It was incredible. The first day we traveled the southern loop, which is full of geysers and hot springs. This is also where you can find “the Grand Canyon” of Yellowstone, an amazing series of waterfalls in a deep gorge with hiking trails and paths along it’s jaw dropping twists and turns. The next day we explored the northern loop, which is prime for wildlife sightings. We saw SIX bears, three coyotes (wolves?), and countless elk, bison, and pronghorn.

At the tail end of that trip, I journeyed to Mobile, Alabama for the Ordination Mass of my dear friends, now Fathers Andrew Jones and Gil Pierre. (Look them up, go to their churches, they’re the best.) It was one of those good for the soul trips, full of reunions with college friends, good quality down time, and plain old GRACE from the Sacraments.

On the plane ride home, I was considering the awe and wonder I’d experienced over the last week. I cannot describe the beauty I encountered in Yellowstone, and pictures don’t do it justice. (Go! You’ll thank me!)

More breath taking than anything I saw in Wyoming is MAN, fully alive, in his vocation to serve God’s Church as a priest. There was ugly crying (hint: it was me) when these men held up a piece of bread and proclaimed, “This is my Body.” In this moment, and in every Mass, God miraculously turns bread into himself. In the person of Christ, these men, too, give of their bodies, their entire livelihoods, so that I can participate in the Banquet of Life. And that, my friends, is more beautiful than all the mountains, beaches, winding rivers, and fields of bluebonnets on earth. 

Of Lents Gone By

Happy Easter!

Jesus taught me some interesting things this Lent.

Of course,  I had big plans for Lent because hello, I'm Brittany Anderson. It's what I do.

Well I had some severe gallbladder issues the first weekend of Lent, and then the next weekend I got food poisoning.

One of the women in my discipleship group asked me how my runs were going (I am/was? training for a 10k) and I said I hadn't been because of the stomach issues. She said "oh, well of course.... you've been sick." For some reason that really hit home, because until she said that, I just thought I was a failure. By telling me I'd been sick, she helped me to see that I'd been too hard on myself. It was like a lightbulb in my head.

I know that I have unrealistic expectations for myself. I don't know why, and I don't know how to be any other way, yet.

So I spent the rest of Lent, not running a single time, working on loving myself in a new way.

Here are some of the things I did:

I bought new blue jeans that fit well and look good on me. (I hadn't bought new jeans in YEARS... most of the jeans in my closet moved here with me from college.)

I put $100 in the monthly budget for me to buy clothes. And I'm making myself spend it.

I started online shopping. I hate regular shopping, so to spend the aforementioned $100 a month, I'm online shopping, and RETURNING stuff that I don't love.

I also signed up for Click List, where you tell Kroger what groceries you need ahead of time, and they deliver them to your car. I know this is lazy, but I also hate grocery shopping.

I unsubscribed from dozens of email lists I was on, so everything I get in my inbox is from a PERSON or an organization I care about. This is revolutionizing the way I feel about email.

I posted this on my mirror:

I'm still trying to be more intentional about loving myself better.  I don't want to use that as an excuse to avoid things I don't like, stay in my comfort zone, etc., but I also want to learn to forgive myself.  

Being single at this stage in life is weird. I love Jesus and what he's doing in my life is nothing short of miraculous. Things are so good that I don't even feel like asking Him for anything else. 

I'm so glad he knows what I need and when I need it. 

Also, Ross, if you're reading this, these pictures are for you! Sorry the quality isn't great! Blame the photographer, not the camera!

The Bluebonnets know that it is Spring in Texas! I LOVE THEM.

My mom's daffodils? lillies? I don't know what they are. 

Saint Clare, pray for us.

Where Would You Be?

I have some good news:

I have gotten a very big promotion at work.

I'm nervous and scared and excited and so.incredibly.thankful.

I knew I was getting complacent in my current job, so after two years, I decided to pursue something different. My current job is considered a "destination role," and due to our lack of stress and generous pay structure, my teammates all thought I was crazy for pursuing this particular promotion. My current job is COMFORTABLE. I rarely work more than 45 hours per week, and I NEVER take my work home with me. I'm not the least bit stressed, and I have learned to communicate with my boss. But I wasn't made for comfort.

The new job will require a lot more of me. It will surely be more stressful, and more eyes will be watching me very closely as I ramp up. There have been people who have gotten this promotion and quit within six months because they couldn't make it. I will have to be excellent at my craft in order to succeed.

Today, my new Relationship Manager (my teammate who sets my appointments) was telling me about the work he was doing with the book of clients I will be inheriting. He was asking my preferences for appointment length, if I wanted space between them, etc.
I texted a friend and told her that it's getting real, and finally sinking in that I will be doing this job very soon (starting on St. Joseph's Feast Day!)
I told her I was excited and scared, and she asked me:
"Where would you be if you didn't do things that scare you?!"

What an awesome question. I've been pondering it all afternoon.

If I didn't do things that scare me:
I wouldn't be running a 10k next month
I wouldn't be planning to buy a house this year
I would never have taken golf lessons
I wouldn't have driven a stick shift across Europe
I wouldn't be a Certified Financial Planner
I wouldn't have left FOCUS for Fidelity
I wouldn't have started working at FOCUS
I wouldn't have gone to Auburn

I wouldn't be following Jesus.

So I would be no where.

Where would you be?