03 September 2012

Hanging by the Thread of His Grace

Well, ladies and gentlemen, "they" were right. "They" told me that Florida Gulf Coast University is an extremely difficult campus to serve on, and "they" were right. "They" also told me that I could handle it, so let's hope "they" are two for two!

I have been a resident of Florida for a few weeks now, and while I feel settled in, it hasn't been an easy adjustment. I'm learning my way around, meeting new people, and beginning Bible Studies and Discipleships THIS WEEK! Discipleship is the absolute heart of our mission (because it was the heart of Christ's mission), and I am excited to have some sense of normalcy back in my life. The women I will be discipling this year are great and I can't wait to grow closer to our Lord with them.

The thing I've learned repeatedly since I've been here is that God doesn't want any small part of me. He doesn't want the good, the great, or the exciting. He doesn't want the things I'm good at or the things I like. He wants all of me. All the bad, the ugly, the attitude, the indignant, and the pride. I'm trying to give Him what He wants from me: everything. I've learned that He doesn't need me! Nothing I do is good unless He makes it good, and sometimes He can use my failures better than my successes. This is a hard lesson to learn.

Last week, one day when I was praying my Holy Hour, I came before Him, yet again, having royally screwed up, realizing once again that my pride had taken a complete hold of me. I told Him I was sorry and that I didn't want to do things my way anymore, only His.

I used to honestly think that I could stand up by myself, that I could walk and even run on my own. Now I realize that if I can stand it is ONLY because I am lifted up by the Cross of Christ. I am literally hanging by the thread of His grace.

St. Gregory, pray for us!