20 May 2013

Where I Belong

Have you ever had a friend who was wayyyy cooler than you were? Or at least you thought so... and wondered why they hung out with you?

Have you ever had a friend who, when you were around them, they made you feel cooler than you were before... even though you are pretty sure they're that cool all of the time?
You know... the friend who, even when you're away from them for a long time, you get back together and things pick back up right where you left them.... and you're such good friends that you often wonder how you got so lucky to have such a friend, and you know that no matter what they'll always be a real friend.. they'll always be in your heart.

Is any of what I'm saying making sense?

Today, I got to pray a holy hour and go to daily Mass for the first time in a while. It was exactly like this. I got to catch up with my first, best, and realest friend, Jesus. It was so great. I was reminded of who I am. I remembered that on my knees on that kneeler with the Eucharistic Lord telling me that my feeble efforts are enough for Him is exactly where I belong.

To tell you the truth, parish life kind of really sucks. Being a Sunday Mass Catholic is the most difficult type of Catholic to be. If I didn't know of the innumerable treasures that are found in a life with Jesus, I certainly would not have gone to the Catholic Church to find them...

Disclaimer: I am so thankful to have met Christ, and just as thankful to know Him with a Catholic perspective. Truth ignites and frees... and the Catholic Church teaches a way of thinking that examines Truth and welcomes it, loves it. There is only one Truth and that is why I am Catholic. Catholicism is true.

But let me tell you... our evangelical Protestant brothers and sisters are certainly on to something. Life with Jesus is the best kind of life there is. They don't know Him in the Eucharist, and that is sad... but they've made due with what they've been given, and they know Him better than a lot, if not most, Catholics. Read the New Testament! Can you believe some of the outlandish things that our fathers in faith did so that we could know Jesus?! Can you believe that God Himself stepped down from Heaven to be nailed to a tree just to GIVE YOU AND ME THE CHOICE to turn away?!

Sunday Mass is one of the most difficult parts of my week. I go to Mass and listen to bad music played poorly, to shake hands with people who don't know or care who I am (and admittedly, vice versa), to try to pay attention to off the cuff, rarely relevant homilies, to see people genuflect towards an altar without a Tabernacle, and to watch as over half the congregation leaves after Communion (changed for all of Eternity, but only visible to God Himself). I have to convince myself to go every single Sunday. The sad part is, I'm not describing one, but at least three of the Parishes where I've been attending Sunday Mass this year.

The worst part about all of it: I don't care enough to try to make a change. At this point, I don't feel like I'm in any position to do anything about it. So I'll keep going.. keep praying in the pew, genuflecting to the Tabernacle, staying until the end of Mass, trying to be continually changed by the very real reception of Christ's flesh and blood in the Eucharist, and hoping that's enough.

I guess that I'm the worst sinner... because I don't know how everyone else can go six days without Jesus without leaving the Faith altogether. I love Him too much to even think about walking away.. but I, for one, can't do it anymore.

This is the reason I'm recommitting to more frequent attendance of the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass and Holy Hours. Being a Sunday Catholic is too difficult for me.

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