24 November 2013

A Selfish Goodbye

Lately I've been posting a lot about work. For those of you who find that boring, please accept my apologies. I really enjoy my work and I think that because I spend the vast majority of my time doing it, I naturally feel inclined to talk about it. This week I've been realizing that because I've been spending so much time at work or talking about work or thinking about work, I've let my interior life slip a little. As a sanguine it's my terrible tendency to be shallow, surfacy, if you will. I'm going to make a point to write more about things that are more meaningful.

Last week, I was in Alabama. It was the best! I flew to Birmingham on Saturday morning to witness the beginning of a beautiful marriage between two friends. Father Victor, one of my favorite priests (who currently serves in Auburn), celebrated the wedding Mass. One of my favorite lines from his very eloquent and relevant homily was when he said that the reason that God has allowed Ginny and Eric to come together as man and wife is because He knows that the two of them together would have the best possible chance of making it to Heaven. Love that.

It was also great to see old friends, and to be with my fellow Tigers to watch the amazing Hail Mary play that won the Auburn vs. Georgia game. On Sunday I went to Auburn and spent a few days there with my sweet former roommates Kathlene and Katie. I got to see all the people I wanted to see, and do all of the things I wanted to do, and it was just fantastic.

Kathlene is preparing to join a convent in Steubenville, Ohio, on December 8th. When she first told me,  I was so excited for her. Essentially, it's like one of my dearest friends is getting engaged. That's sort of what it's like when you enter a convent. You are engaged to Jesus, preparing for a life long marriage to Him. It's a HUGE sacrifice. The whole week we talked about it a lot, but that didn't prepare me for how hard it was to say goodbye to her. I am so proud of her sacrifice, and I really can't believe how brave she is. For a while my roommates and I have thought she might have a religious vocation, but thinking about it and actually doing it are very different things. And she's doing it! She's the real deal! I'm so proud of her! She's going to be so holy! She's giving up the little things like her cell phone, her facebook, her car, her music, etc., and big things like her family and her friends. All for Jesus. Her order is contemplative, so they spend a lot of time in prayer. Praise God.

I've told a few of my friends about her and the first thing they all say is something about celibacy. As she and I were talking though, we sorta came to the conclusion that out of all the things she's giving up, that is one of the easier things. Can't miss something you've never had, right? I've had friends who have joined convents before, but not friends who I am this close with, so I didn't feel it as much.

Anyways, I'm going on and on about how I feel about the situation. Which is exactly what I was doing the whole week I was in Auburn, and especially when we said goodbye. I'm selfish. Really, really selfish.

The bottom line is, she's making an incredible sacrifice for Jesus, and I want to keep her from Him, all for myself. I had to stop myself several times from asking "are you SUREEEEE you want to do this?" When we were saying goodbye, it felt almost like one of my best friends was dying. But isn't that what Jesus calls us to do? She's dying to herself so that He can make her new and He can have her all to Himself. And let me tell you, He's getting a good one.

KG, if you're reading this, I love you, and I'm so proud of you, and you inspire me and I will miss you so much. God is so good for giving you to me for as long as He has, and I know that your FIAT will bring so much glory to Him.

St. Augustine, pray for us!


  1. Favorite: "She's dying to herself so that He can make her new and He can have her all to Himself. And let me tell you, He's getting a good one."


  2. hey girl! i can totally relate! my two very best friends both entered the convent when i was in college one year after another. it was SO. DIFFICULT. it's a separation most people don't understand or appreciate, and you do indeed have to grieve what your friendship used to be, because it will never be the same again (though....it will be much holier and more beautiful if you let it!!). i remember telling other people it was almost like they had both died. anyway...i found great consolation in knowing that often times when i was crying over missing my friends, they were crying too because as hard as it was for me to give up my friends and my selfishness of wanting to keep them, they were giving up EVEN MORE! and girl, i cannot tell you what a blessing it is to have my two very best friends and their whole communities praying for me as well! they both professed vows this summer (in different communities) and both days were one of the happiest of my life! one thing that always helped me was knowing when i was at mass or in adoration that Sr Mary Grace and Sr Cora Marie were both literally just on the other side of the altar....so we can always meet/see each other in the Eucharist.

    I will pray for you and your friend - detachment is so very painful!