The year I was a missionary at Auburn was probably the best year of my life so far. My relationship with Jesus was better than it ever had been or has been since, really. I was also comfortable which is rare and also probably not great for a missionary.
The whole time I was a missionary, whenever I would go visit other missionaries or they would come visit me, I always felt like they were real missionaries and I wasn't. I'm not sure why. During regional gatherings we'd discuss best practices in Bible Studies or Discipleships and I would always have something to contribute to the conversation, but I still always thought the other missionaries were so admirable/holy/good at their jobs and I was just trying to keep my head above water. I wonder if other missionaries felt this way too, but I never asked them.
The other day, my colleague Kevin was talking to one of his clients. He sits right next to me so I hear him talk to his clients all day everyday, but for some reason something he said made my mind go there again. I thought, "wow, Kevin is a real advisor." What's interesting is Kevin is newer than I am and, according to almost every metric that we use to determine performance, I am better than he is.
I wonder why I think of myself as not being a real _____. (Whatever it is I'm doing at the time.) Maybe part of it is that I don't feel like I'm grown up enough to be doing these things- in a lot of ways I still think of myself as a student, which was my identity for 17 years of my life. I guess it's hard to mentally make the switch sometimes.
I wonder if, when I'm in my vocation, I'll have the same thoughts about the people around me.
St. Lucy, pray for us.