Productivity!

Soooo I'm getting pretty bored with my job. It's just a beat down sometimes.

My one year in this department is up on June 1st, and I am counting.down.the.days. I'm beginning to apply for jobs next week- please pray for me to know and do God's will- there are some potential big life changes coming, hopefully soon.

My team is generally in the office from 7:30-4 ish... and while my boss usually rolls in around 9:30 and wouldn't notice... I really need to be at work at 7:30. Even after a year, this is almost torture for me. I'm not, and I'm pretty sure I will never be, a morning person.

After yet another boring and uneventful Monday, I wanted to come home and do nothing but veg. Walking out of the office, I thought "I shouldn't do anything tonight.. I'm too tired." But I'd previously made plans and I'm not a plan breaker, so I went along. Ciara and I went to Mass, and prayed at Adoration for a while after (her first Adoration experience, completely unexpected because I didn't know they had it after this Mass). We were planning on going running after Mass, and I wasn't looking forward to it. Plus it was raining. So I asked God to please let it keep raining so that we wouldn't have to go running... and almost immediately after the sun came out, along with the eternal sign of the covenant God made with Noah, a huuuuuuuge, beautiful, bright rainbow.  So running we went. Two miles later and back home, I feel awesome. I'm so glad I went and did those things I told myself I didn't want to do. I know He's good about the big stuff, but Jesus is faithful in the little things too, isn't He? Love that guy!

You might be thinking, "wow, Brittany, I had no idea you were a runner." Slow your roll, I can assure you, I am not. But if you remember from that pesky little 30 Before 30 list, I made a goal to run a 10k... so in preparation, Katelynn (teammate from when I lived in Florida) and I are running a 5k color run after a wedding we're going to this summer. I'm sure I'll do a few more leading up to the 10k which I hope to be done with by December. THANKFULLY I had my wits about me to make a goal to run a 10k and not a marathon like someone else I know.. ahem.

Jesus, my Good Shepherd, have mercy on me.

The Wisdom and Grace of a Mother

They say that children are the path of salvation for their parents; that through the sacrifices of parenthood, mothers and fathers become saints. 

My mom isn't like most moms, I think. It's not her fault, mostly... she never had anyone in her own life be a real mother to her, and she didn't have my dad around to help her become a parent either. But it sure is hard to be a daughter to someone who doesn't know how to be a mother... even 25 years later. 

Everyone knows that parents sacrifice for their children. In that respect, she's done her fair share and more for me. Lord knows that is true. She's worked hard to provide me with the life she wanted me to have, and I grew up with opportunities that a lot of kids couldn't even dream of. 

Every time I do something she disapproves of or (more often than not) don't do something that she wants me to do (could be anything as simple as not folding a load of laundry, to something more weighty like going away to college), I hear about all the sacrifices she made for me. She often calls me ungrateful, and rightly so, I am... aren't all children? None of us truly knows how much our parents do for us, how much they love us, and how much they give up for us. But isn't that the point? We can't know until we're parents ourselves, I think. 

Before I came along, she was a bartender, drove a porsche, and even well into her thirties, tried to live the glory days of the 70's. She didn't have any reason to grow up until I came along. I was completely unexpected (her doctor told her she'd never have children due to her severe case of endometriosis) and in an instant her life changed. 

Then I grow up to become a Catholic missionary, and all of a sudden all of the sacrifices she'd made weren't enough... on top of everything I wanted her to be holy. That's a lot to ask.

When I think of myself as a mother, I hope I can take some of her good qualities: her work ethic, her drive, her perseverance. And I hope I can leave others behind: her insistence on getting her way, her stubbornness. I also pray that I will have a partner in parenthood who supports me and loves me, so that I can be free to love our children and sacrifice for them, without the need for them to understand the weight of those sacrifices. It is surely too difficult and too important a task to do alone. 

St. Margaret of Cortona, patroness of single mothers, pray for us. 

2000 Years and Counting....

The Church is so amazing.

Tonight I went to the Vigil Mass with two of my former roommates. One has been Catholic her whole life, the other will become Catholic at Easter next year.

We heard a brief reflection on the Road to Emmaus, one of my favorite parts of the New Testament, which clearly tells the order of the Mass in which we still participate today.

Then the visiting priest shared a little about his mission with us. There are so many people in the world, and just as many paths to Jesus. No two people experience Him in the same way, and no two people will become holy in the same way. The Church, in Her Wisdom, knows this to be true.

The Holy Spirit inspires men and women, clergy and laypeople, all over the world to be the hands and feet of Christ. When I was a missionary on the battlefield of the college campus, I felt called to be there to love God's people and help them to love Him back.

There are so many battlefields, it's almost overwhelming.

The priest tonight ministers to those who are in the circus, and traveling entertainers. Who on earth, except for the Holy Spirit, could have inspired a group of Sisters to decide to minister to circus acts?!! When Father first started talking about it, I legitimately thought he was joking. But it makes sense- where else would someone receive the sacraments if they are always on the road? How could a couple complete marriage prep or take the baptism classes?

 The group of sisters started in Northern Africa meeting needs of nomadic aboriginals and gypsies. How insane and awesome! They eventually spread throughout the world and focus their time and energy on those who are constantly on the go- for whatever reason.

The fact that there are so many people and different groups that need the love of God is overwhelming and amazing. The fact that the Church is already a thousand steps ahead of me is reassuring and joyful. It made me proud to be a Catholic.... your mega church might have some awesome missions to the poorest country in the world... but have you been able to recruit people to join the circus just to spread the love of Jesus? Didn't think so.

St. Thomas, pray for us.

A Quiet, Holy Thursday

So in anticipation of the stock market being closed tomorrow and of Holy Week, a few months ago I scheduled a vacation day today, just assuming I would have the day off tomorrow. In an effort to be more.... tolerant?.... my company has decided that anyone who wants to take the day off tomorrow can, but it will not be automatic for everyone.

Whatever.

So, as it would happen- I have a random day off in the middle of the week. My mom said I shouldn't have wasted a vacation day, which is why I'm not going to waste it! I have a few things I want to accomplish.

While the CFP prep work I had to do was a major beat down, it felt great working so hard to pursue one of my goals, and then seeing the fruit of that work so quickly (hashtag, instant gratification.) I'm going to spend the next three months focusing on a few other goals, and I'm excited to see my hard work pay off over time, and then immediately get to work on other plans. There are so many things I want to do before I get married, I'm not wasting any more time.

I think I'm so intent on getting these things done because I'm not fulfilled by my work or by a community here. I worry that I'm becoming someone who is too comfortable being alone, I don't want to become so dependent on myself that I do not depend on others, and especially on the Lord.

Last night I had a dream about a book I'm reading. That was interesting. In my dream I was scrolling through the pages trying to find a particular passage I read last night, having the most trouble finding it. I will write another post on that excerpt because it really hit home, but I want to have more time to formulate my thoughts.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life- what are you going to do with it?


Have a Holy, Peaceful Triduum.
Jesus, remember me when you come into your Kingdom.