After a few months of being internetless, I'm back folks.
It's kinda bittersweet to tell the truth. I had four channels and no internet except on my phone for... almost six months? I used a lot of phone data during that time, but for the most part, I was pretty productive.
In that time I completed my month long journey to becoming a #scratchpaperpoet. I spent a lot of time on the phone with friends. I even picked up cross stitching again. I'm officially into grandma hobbies and proud of it.
God has been taking me on a crazy ride lately. I feel like he's teaching me how to be pursued, which is something I'm not that familiar with. Over the past few years since I moved home after FOCUS, I've had ups and downs with prayer, but in 3 years I haven't had a regular prayer schedule or a desire to go to Mass. I think I just kept looking for someone to invest in me, or a group of friends to fill me up. I didn't realize that the first place to start if I wanted to be filled was to empty myself. Now I'm leading two small groups, 8th grade girls on Wednesday and 9th grade girls on Sunday. I knew I'd need to be holy if I was going to lead them, so starting this summer, I've been pretty regularly attending Wednesday Mass and praying for a while before Mass when I can. Slowly, my heart has been more and more opened to Jesus and He has been steadfast. He's probably been doing the same things all along I just never took the time to notice. It's been such a sweet period of consolation for me. Of course I'm still distracted in prayer and during Mass sometimes, but when I get to the church and see Jesus my heart just sighs and I feel like everything is right. I've also had a much more intense desire to know the Holy Spirit and see how he works in my life than I ever have before. Plus, I'm reading Pope Francis's Evangelii Gaudium, which is amazing, I feel like he's speaking directly to me, and his heart for the poor is rubbing off on me. How can I call myself a real Christian if I don't love Jesus in the poor in my backyard?
In case I'm ever reading this blog when I'm stuck in the doldrums of desolation and I can't feel Jesus:
God is real. He makes Himself known to you in the deepest desires of your heart. Even if you can't feel Him or don't trust that He has a good plan for you, keep being faithful to the Sacraments, especially the Mass and Reconciliation. He has gone to the ends of the earth with your name on His lips and He holds you into existence in every moment. He is perfectly just and perfectly merciful. He loves you immensely even though you are a terrible sinner. He knows you better than you know yourself, and He loves you and wants to hold you close to Him. He will do anything to direct your gaze towards Himself. Keep praying, even when it's difficult. Suffering can be redemptive if you offer it to the One who suffered for your soul.
In your charity, please pray for my girls! They have to put up with me asking them questions all school year long to try to get them to self realize that they need Jesus!
Michael, Raphael, and Gabriel, pray for us.