Since I have been home, the Lord has been hard at work trying to prepare me for New Staff Training (in less than two weeks!) I got to hang out with Rob Muzyka (who is AWESOME!!!) and I've been motivated to pray holy hour everyday! (Praise God!!) I have also been learning to love people better. This has been something I have struggled with off and on for a while, and I am so thankful to be making some baby steps toward progress.
I've been thinking also about the different sides of my personality. Each of us wants to believe that we are the same person all the time, but I am fairly certain that we are kidding ourselves. I think it is human nature to behave differently in different circumstances and around different people. (What do you think?) Because of this, I have been trying to reconcile the different sides of myself. When I am home, I become a little less mature and slightly more absurd. (My roommates would find this hard to believe!) One of the best things about who I am at home is that I love better and I am less judgmental. In Auburn, I am scandalized by a lot of things that seem so trivial when I come home. When I am here, I can see the good things people do and forgive their faults much easier. I hope to bring this attitude back to Auburn when I return in August.
In today's Gospel, Jesus says "If anyone hears my words and does not observe them, I do not condemn him, for I did not come to condemn the world, but to save the world." (John 12:47) Jesus loves us beyond our sins, and I pray that I can learn to love more and more. I also pray that I can be not afraid to leave the ninety-nine to go after those who have wandered far from the Truth.
On Monday, the meditation in the Magnificat was a poem by Charles Peguy, a French poet. I'm not usually a fan of poetry... or the French (haha) but I like this poem.
The Good Shepherd and the Lost Sheep
And so that this lost sheep causes so much joy for the shepherd,
For the good shepherd,
That he would leave in the desert, in deserto, in a forsaken place,
The ninety-nine sheep that were not lost.
In what, what then is this mystery,
What does this one have that makes him worth ninety-nine...
Let's use the word unbeliever, you have to admit it, there's no reason to be afraid of the word.
Here is an unbeliever who's worth more than a hundred, more than ninety-nine believers.
What is this mystery.
What is this extraordinary virtue of repentance.
That surpasses a hundred times faithfulness itself...
And it's this one, and no other, it's this sheep, it's this sinner, it's this penitent, it's this soul
That God, that Jesus carries on his shoulders, abandoning the others...
So this sheep was lost, so this sheep was dead,
So this soul was dead and from his own death he is risen from the dead.
He caused the very heart of God to tremble
With the shudder of worry and with the shudder of hope
With the shudder of anxiety.
A mortal anxiety.
And so, and thus, and also
With that which is tied to worry, to fear, to anxiety.
With that which follows worry, fear, anxiety.
With that which walks alongside them, with that which is tied to worry, to fear, to anxiety.
With an indelible bond, with an unbreakable bond,
With a temporal, eternal, and unbreakable tie
He caused God's heart to tremble
With the very shudder of hope.
Saint John of the Cross, pray for us!