Sometimes I forget that Jesus is God. I often give Him human attributes (impatience, indifference, impracticalness, etc.) in my head.
Sometimes I think that Jesus demands perfection from me. Intellectually, I know that He always invites, never demands, because He loves so perfectly. Emotionally, I get frustrated with myself for my failures and I think He becomes frustrated with me. To some extent, He probably does wish I could get some of the basics right, but I often forget just how well He loves. I forget that His love drove Him to be ridiculed, scourged, crucified, all for me.
A meditation from the Magnificat a few weeks ago really struck me. It will seem ironic to you if you've read my post Humility, Detachment and Other Virtues, because the author of this particular meditation is none other than Saint Teresa of Avila. I guess you could say that we're reconciled.
"If we proceed with a pure conscience and obediently, the Lord will never permit the devil to have enough influence to deceive harmfully our souls; on the contrary, the devil himself is the one who is left deceived... I really believe that the devil must be meddling so as to trick us. But I have seen very many, whom the Lord in his goodness has not let out of his hand. Perhaps he wants to exercise them through these deceptions they undergo so that they might gain experience...
Since, my Lord, we see that you often free us from the dangers in which we place ourselves, even in opposition to you, how can one believe that you will fail to free us when we aim after nothing more than to please you and delight in you? Never can I believe this! It could be that because of other secret judgments God might permit some things that must happen anyway. But good never brought about evil. Thus, may what I have said help us strive to walk better along the road so as to please our spouse more and find him sooner, but not make us abandon it; and encourage us to walk with fortitude along a road that has such rugged mountain passes, as does that of this life, but not intimidate us from walking through them. For, in the final analysis, by proceeding with humility, through the mercy of God, we will reach that city of Jerusalem, where all that has been suffered will be little, or nothing, in comparison with what is enjoyed."
I am so excited to read this meditation because it gives me joy and hope. Jesus is NOT against us, He is always for us! God will never allow the devil to fatally harm us, and He will never fail to free us from sin. All that we experience in this life will pass away when we experience the joy of the next.