Last Monday at holy hour (during Spirit and Truth, the Catholic Student Organizations weekly Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament), I was praying about Time.
The reason I was praying about time is because it was on my 22nd birthday, and like every year, I needed to reflect on the years events.
Just a few of the things I did while I was 21:
Lived in my first apartment.
Learned that I'm a pretty good cook.
Re-learned how to play tennis, and won a mixed-doubles tournament!
Read more than 15 books (mostly spiritual).
Finished the New Testament by finally reading Acts of the Apostles and Revelations.
Finished my core finance curriculum and learned that I could graduate early.
Got an "A" in 5 higher level finance courses.
Applied for my first "real" job at SunTrust, and made it to round 3 of interviews.
Realized God was calling me elsewhere and applied for and accepted a position with FOCUS to be a Catholic Missionary.
Went to Nashville several times, including on my 21st birthday.
Wrote a lot of letters. (I'm bringing back snail mail!)
Learned that I prefer a clean house and a clean room.
Realized I'm even more of an extrovert than I thought.
Led two Bible Studies.
Worked at a BBQ restaurant.
Got fired from a BBQ restaurant! (In a text message!) (For not having enough availability!)
Tutored Auburn Athletes.
Nannied for a family of three beautiful little girls in Auburn.
Watched my Tigers WIN the National Championship!
Spent the summer at the University of Illinois at FOCUS New Staff Training.
Realized that God wants ALL of me, not just the parts I'm willing to give Him.
I digress.
One of the things I don't like about turning another year older is the permanence of the change. Once I became 22, I could never go back to being 21. I don't usually mind the kinds of change that are reversible because if I don't like the new change, I can go back. Unfortunately, as with most changes, I can never go back to being 21. I really liked being 21. I also really liked being 17, and sometimes I still wish I could go back. I think that some days, I love my life so much, that I don't think it could ever get any better. I don't trust that God wants to make it any better because I think it is so good already, and I don't deserve for it to be this good, let alone any better!
I suppose I have small dreams and hopes for my life, compared to those which are God's dreams and hopes for me.
New goal: dream bigger.
Anyways, as I was reflecting and praying, I was asking the Lord about why I have such an aversion to change. He seemed just as perplexed as I was, because He created time. Time is one of the ONLY things that man hasn't messed up. Think of all things natural: weather, vegetation, creation of life, etc. Man has successfully figured out how to majorly mess up all of these things in the name of progress!
Time has been unaltered by man, and is purely a creation by God! So why do I dread it's passing?! I think it is because of concupiscence (the effect of Adam and Eve's sin on my soul, which causes my desires to be disordered.)
I'm going to try to embrace the passing of time, simply because God ordained it to be so.
Saint Matthew, the Evangelist, pray for us!
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