05 April 2014

Broken Hearts

In my last post, I talked about what I do know about men. In this one, I'm going to talk about what I don't know about men. (This is not anywhere near all-inclusive.)

I want to talk about the dreaded DTR. Define the relationship. What are we? 

Men, it seems, hate the DTR. I cannot, for the life of me, understand why. 

Recently, the neighbors who live above me had an all out brawl. They were screaming at each other, slamming doors, sobbing, etc. for a good 3-4 hours straight. I laid in my bed thinking about some of my past relationships and thinking about how terrible those fights can be. I'm not sure that I've ever had one that intense or last that long, but I could relate. I think those fights happen when there are insecurities in relationships. Men and women who love each other really shouldn't have any reason to behave that way towards one another. 

I don't know much about the couple, but they're young, and I'm pretty sure unmarried and living together. Of course I'm projecting now, but I couldn't help but think how different their situation might have been if he'd tell her more often and show her what she means to him. 

When most people hear DTR, they think of the conversation that establishes a relationship as real versus "just talking." It's what brings a couple from dating casually to dating seriously. From friends to boyfriend/girlfriend, I suppose. Usually, I feel like this conversation starts with the ominous "we need to talk" and ends in happiness or heartbreak. But a DTR could be so much more than that. 

Like I said before, I have no idea why men do not like this conversation. Not only do I think the conversation is good and necessary, but I also think it should happen much more frequently. Defining the relationship provides a path. It says, this is where we are, this is where we're going, and this is how we're going to get there. Intentional dating should have very frequent DTRs. 

When couples are living together before they're married, there's a Point A (where we are) but often no Point B (where we're going). A relationship should be something productive, ultimately with the goal of Heaven. Point A in space cannot, on its own, be productive. They've signed this lease together that says we're going to share a refrigerator and a cable bill for the next twelve months... but what does that mean?! I'm sure they say they love one another, but how can you really love someone and be so selfish as to put your desires above their ultimate good? 

In my own dating history, I've found that when I'm not sure where I stand, I find myself doing really silly things. When I'm in a committed relationship with someone, I'm not jealous at all, after all, I'm his girlfriend; he chose me. But before the point of the relationship being official, every girl is a potential threat. I know I'm not the only one, and sometimes it's so dumb the way we (women) think! Things only get better with more commitment, not worse. The more secure a woman feels in her relationship, the more confident she is, the less she worries about what he's doing every second of the day. It's a man's job to make her feel that way. If he treats her like she's the only woman in the world for him, she'll know that she's the only woman in the world for him! It's one thing about women that is perfectly logical! 

Can a DTR prevent a sob-fest Saturday Night fight? Maybe not altogether... but maybe it can! 

St. Joseph and Blessed JPII, pray for us.

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