People often tell stories from these conferences where God does amazing things in their hearts during Adoration. Emotionally, my experience of coming to know and have a relationship with Jesus happened in high school. In college I learned important things (like that missing Mass on Sunday is a mortal sin, and that Jesus is present in the Eucharist) which built a solid foundation for me to have an intellectual faith. I suppose I never really "needed" a super emotional encounter with Jesus at FOCUS Conference because I was already in pretty constant conversation with Him. This year was different though. I'd been having a pretty emotional week just realizing how I thought I'd been praying but I'd mostly been reading books about HOW to have a relationship with Jesus instead of actually having one, and then complaining to Him about why things weren't better between us. I'm annoying.
Anyways, it all culminated with Sr. Bethany Madonna's keynote on prayer which had me hiding tears from the gentlemen next to me for the duration. I just knew that I was going to be a wreck once Jesus came so I moved closer to the altar and away from anyone I knew, ready for a snotty sobbing hot mess of a holy hour.
Jesus came. I prayed. I told Him I was ready for anything. I told Him that I would go to the ends of the earth, quit my job, go back to FOCUS, go on a foreign mission, work for the Church, even join a convent. I was ready.
Then I waited for Him to tell me what to do.
Then I started begging. Anywhere but here, anything but what I'm doing now. Working in finance, being a single young adult in the parish I grew up in, it's all too difficult. This mission field is too hard. I can't do it.
But He can.
So here I am. Working in finance, being a single young adult in the parish I grew up in. Making plans to change the whole world by changing my family, my parish, my diocese, my state, my country, and the world. In that order. Looking for people who want to intentionally invest in others and teach them how to teach others to make disciples. Living the Great Commission. Praying hard for God to shower us with graces of all kinds. Making His Kingdom come.
Lord, come quickly!
St. Paul, pray for us.