Last month I got a new Spiritual Director. (raise roof hands)
In the past few weeks I've realized more and more about how God wants me to evangelize at this point in my life. Previously, I'd been torn.
On one hand, I don't feel fulfilled by my job (apparently this is quite the millennial conundrum) and I feel completely in my element when I'm doing evangelization related things. On the other hand, if I'm going to be discipling people who are working, it's helpful for me to be working (not for the Church) too so that I can be empathetic... and so that we can talk about ways to bring Jesus into the work place and I'll actually have some credibility. I was thinking that eventually I'd have to make a decision either/or. Either I spend all my free time leading small groups and discipling women (and therefore do not have time to "scale myself" and tackle some larger projects that I've been working with on a diocesan level) OR I spend ALL my time leading small groups and discipling women and teaching leaders from parishes around the diocese to do the same thing.
But the Church is a both/and Church... not an either/or. I realized that if I could land a job that allows me more flexibility (read: time outside the office) I can accomplish all the above. So now that's what my focus is on for my next job: flexibility!
After this realization last week I was so fired up to be able to spend my spare time working for Jesus. This week I'm a little annoyed with Him.
One of the things that no one tells you about evangelization after college is how damn lonely it can be. You leave the college campus with high hopes and great plans for working in the vineyard along real world Catholics. And sometimes you look around and it feels like you're the only one working.
I have a vision for what I want my life to look like in the context of my parish. But it rarely ever goes as planned.
This week I invited 6 people to my Bible Study and 13 people to brunch at my house on Saturday. Zero people came to Bible Study and 3 people are coming to brunch. Fail.
In college I was frequently the person that people asked "what are we doing tonight/this weekend/next Tuesday etc."
I know people in the "real world" are very busy and I try not to take that personally... but now I'm left wondering if I'm no longer 'contageous' like I used to be. And if I'm not... what in the world is Jesus doing by giving me any responsibility... let alone the responsibility to bring eternal souls to Him!
I don't know why He called me to this... and I especially don't know why He's called me to this alone.
But I said "send me there, I'll go."
And He sent me here.
Come, Holy Spirit.
Saint JPII, pray for us.
(Side bar: I'm putting on a diocesan evangelization training for young adults next Saturday and I'm really nervous that no one is going to come. Please pray a Memorare and ask JPII to pray for us. Thank you!)