I have failed in a lot of my February Resolutions. But I am resolved to do better in March... because, Lent.
The only hit up the gym 6 times so far this month (not going to make it to 12...) and I have been eating well above the recommended daily dose of chicken nuggets.
BUT! I did reconnect with more than 3 people. So, winning. I went to dinner with a new friend twice, called an old friend to catch up, and hung out with some of the college bests this past weekend.
I loved adding the "reconnect" piece to my resolutions for this month. There are many things that I can do on any given day, and for as much as I crave community, it's silly how rarely I reach out. I want to get better!
A few months ago, my spiritual director told me that I needed to learn to live in the moment. I'm sure at some point I prayed for the grace to be able to do that, and I'm sure he's probably been praying for that for me too, because good grief, did God show up in a big way. It's had a bit of a different impact than I expected. My whole life I've been looking forward to the next thing. When I run out of next things to look forward to, I freak out about my vocation or some other equally uncontrollable variable.
Over the past few months, I've felt life slow way down before my eyes. In general, I'm focusing on myself: my laundry gets done, my sheets get washed every two weeks, my ceiling fan gets dusted, I grocery shop and cook, I read, I go to the gym! I pray and I go to Mass a couple times per week. I'm making new friends. I'm doing well at work and keeping on top of things. Things are calm and peaceful. In addition to all of this, I don't feel busy at all. I haven't stopped being busy since I started middle school. It's all so weird.
When I was talking to my spiritual director about this quiet time I'm in the middle of right now, he said it sounded like God was inviting me to work on myself like a project and to become more self aware. I don't even know how to go about tackling the mess that is my soul, except for to start with the things exteriorly that I can control. Well.. I consider the controllables controlled. Now it's time to trudge onward into the depths, I suppose! Pray for me!
Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us!
Time to go deep! Learn from my melancholic ways, O sanguine choleric one! ;)
ReplyDeleteBut really, I think that is a beautiful, beautiful time of life... it's such a good reminder that the Lord rarely asks us to sacrifice such human order in the lay life. "Busy-ness" doesn't allow for the quiet time to let the Lord speak-- plus, as we grow older, I think He speaks to us less in those big dramatic ways, and more in the tiny stillnesses of every day life. (You've read Reed of God, right?! It is the quintessential book for this kind of time. ) Michael and I are in a similar stage of our marriage, only way way way at the beginning. Grocery shopping... hah. What's that?!
Pray for us! We pray for you! Can't wait to spend Easter with you!!!!
I read Red of God over Advent. It was like Jesus telling me what to expect ahead of time... but I still didn't get it, as per usual.
DeleteI'm SO excited to celebrate the Resurrection and your birthday with you!!
Such a beautiful reflection, Brittany; thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI also am always looking to the next thing and have such a hard time living in the moment. I freaked out when Gus was born because it seemed like I had already hit all the life milestones I had planned. Like, what do I look forward to now that I'm married with a kid? Becoming a grandmother? No, thanks! It's so tough to remember that each present moment is worth cherishing, but it eats away at your happiness to only live for the future!