April Showers

 The past few weeks I've been continuing to process some of the childhood/father/abandonment wounds that have come up in therapy.

I took some time to allow myself to be angry at my dad, and also to mourn what could have been. Its difficult to know how my life could have looked if my dad had been around. In every version I can come up with in my head, he would have been a better man than he was. It wouldn't have been him who was in my life, but a better version of him. And honestly, I deserved a better version of him. I deserved a man who would sacrifice for me, a dad who would see me and know me and delight in me. I deserved the hard work it would have taken for him to overcome his own childhood/father wounds so that he didn't pass them on. 

The good news in all of this is that God the Father did know all of this would happen, and He knew how I would cope with these wounds and he knows how I will heal from them so that I don't perpetuate the cycle. He's already made this part of my redemption story, and for that I am grateful. 

This week a bunch of crazy stuff has gone down at my parish. The diocese investigated some employees and one has quit and one has been fired. Also both youth ministers are leaving as well (separate, unrelated to the investigation as far as I can tell.) and I've been asked to consider working there part time as the young adult person. On one hand, I desperately want to be involved in the planning/vision casting for the evangelization department, and this is a way to get a seat at that table. On the other hand, there's almost nothing happening for young adults at my parish, so getting a program off the ground from scratch is daunting. 

If you're reading this, pray for me!