Meeting in the Middle

I've really enjoyed writing in my blog more frequently lately. I don't have friends here who I can talk to about these things, and phone calls are hard to coordinate and I just feel like I don't remember to talk about all the things I need to process. (I process mentally by talking, or in this case typing I guess... go figure.) This has been an awesome outlet for me.. I'm reminded of who I am, even if no one reads it. It attempts to take the temporary place of my Allison <3. 

I've realized that if anyone from work or my life here at home were to read my blog, they'd probably be confused about who I am. I need to work on making the two halves meet. On one hand, I'm really outgoing, and let's face it, downright hysterical. On the other, I really think a lot and have a lot of depth. Is this problem the constant companion of an extrovert developing an interior life? Who knows?!

I realized that I need to be different. Holiness means set aside, or set apart. I don't often do a very good job of behaving as if I've been set apart... not by myself, for myself, or of my own accord, but by the Lord, for Him, and in His good mercy and pleasure. 

I need to be better at professing Christ in the big ways and the little.

Last week at work we had to submit a brief "bio" for an internal website where people can look up employees of the company. One of the questions was "What is your personal mission statement?"

A lot of people wrote things about growing professionally and personally, things about success and goals and satisfaction and enjoyment.

I debated with myself. I wasn't sure if I should put a Bible verse or just a quote from it. For one, I didn't know if it'd be "appropriate" to quote the Bible in my personal mission statement. Second, I didn't know if I wanted to be pegged as "that girl." Thirdly and most importantly, I didn't want Jesus to think I am ashamed of Him. (I know I'm giving Him a lot of human qualities and not a lot of divine ones here... and I know He knows my heart regardless of my actions... but still.)

My fear of being ashamed of Jesus won out, and I put Proverbs 3:5-6, which states "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight."

Looking back on it, I think I should have gone with my other option, which is simply "lean not on your own understanding." In a way, I think the quote by itself might have hit home to more people. In a world of constant self-betterment and blatant displays of people selling themselves, it says "I don't know what I'm doing... I'm not even going to pretend... but I do know someone who knows, and I can introduce you to Him, if you'd like."

Oh well, what's done is done!

St. Bernard, pray for us.